सतुरदय!

September 13, 2008

Saturday! Saturday!

What a Saturday that is for a 23 year old gay Ilonggo second courser nursing graduate single man of Cosmo Yloilo.

First stop, dropping Mama to SM City then delivering my photocopied passport at A1 Passers due to my foreign sounding lastname, big WHAT!? The day before that, I asked Picture City to reproduce another set of my passport size photos for PRC with complete name tag in plain white background, for only 18.00 pesos, nice! Then hurriedly met Kim at Coffeebreak Boardwalk Ave. our new tambayan and gave him the laptop of Tyra, sadly no wi-fi connection there. Then went to Sports Complex and be with my family on a Friday night. Even friends asking to go with them for the opening of Flow, in another building at Smallville, the party central of the metro! But I’m in no mood for partying, been there done that! So Kim and Ian had some Rn’R at Bourbon, I didn’t bothered joining them, Tyra got his laptop from Kim and went home. I, after a failed attempt at direct selling, definitely people has no money for signatured perfumes on rush sale! Sad, I failed my friend too, she needs the proceeds.

Okay…what a boring Friday!

So after I did all that, I went with Mama at the supermarket and had a nice lunch at home. Then after she gave me the lowdown on budgeting for the household and my siblings allowances and miscellaneous. I relaxed and hide in my room, watching Aquamarine in cable TV, the movie is great! Then It’s time to drive Mama to the airport for her Manila trip. I asked her not to forget to bring my clothes from our house at Vista Verde, I don’t have clothes in Iloilo, I didn’t expect to stay until after the November NLE. Cora and my sis Tintin, tag along and off we went to Cabatuan where the Iloilo Airport in international standard located. Then, off to Sports Complex to fetch Angel, but she’s not there anymore, she’s at an internet café in front of WIT, then we fetch Kim who is waiting at McDonald’s, a hunky guy was beside him, waiting for a ride?

Then, we had dinner first at home, they love the fried tilapia and bami. Then off we go to Coffeebreak, we used CB when we text our location, a textmate checked if I’m talking about Callbox or Club Bwana! Hahaha

Oh, the scary-surprising piss moment was when we dropped Kim at CPU area to meet his estranged boyfriend at his boarding house there. Then suddenly, a guy on a bike shouted, “Daw mayo haw!?” Flabergasted, I looked at him who was struggling to get on his bike, “Ano to manong haw?” he revolted with “ma ano ano ka pa da!” questionable I judt drove off, with him shouting “girahon taka karon!” I didn’t even feel fear only pity, then wondering even asking Cora if he saw the guy before we did a U-turn, have we bumped him? Or he is just drunk or high? Funny, I thought I was punk’d, oh Ashton you totally got me!

Then, I thought I was indeed ambushed that night on the road, but it was Michelle S. so we pulled over at Jaro Plaza. So she joined us to our little downtime.

Tyra, followed after, then the worst anticipated result Kim and his “the one” broke up for good. He broke down after greeting his fans and vented out the details of the primetime drama of his mid-20s life! Only nice words and strong lines were delivered to encourage and boost Kim’s esteem back! I had passion fruit tea, had two servings and I’m getting shitty later…anyway Kim earlier said the speaker of the stress management seminar he attended was cute. Then they met at CB and he complimented the guru with the nice breathing technique and the guru offered his business card. More familiar faces were seen, KMH my elementary bestfriend was there with Cheryl my schoolmate and former co-teacher at TAS. So Angelican power ignited there, so the twosome who are single like me shared laughters and reminisced with the past and updated her with the current status of our elementary classmates. Gosh, we talked about the weddings, baptisms, careers, break ups, etc. of our classmates!

My A1 reviewers DG and Kristel were there too, so beso-beso and little chikka! The guru with his coffee was cornered by Kim on his way out and splash! Accidentally he drop the tray and splashed the coffee all over the floor and Kim! I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t I totally understand! What a shocking the presence and vibe of Kim could be, now I get it, two same poles don’t attract only rebounded!

Around 10:30 pm, we decided to go to Freddy’s to see RB, and while I was navigating, greeted Luigi, he asked for my brother, I said text him! Then a sadden paparazzi moment occurred at diversion road, I was stalked by a car, then surprise its Abby! So we pulled over at Emmanuel Bldg. Then off we go to Sarabia Hotel. We updated and made side remarks from a friend to a friend, then when I went inside after my friends in Freddy’s RB’s with a date! The daughter of the owner of a Thai resto. That’s the time I knew RB and Jolens broke up last Monday only. Then surprise, a male medrep classmate of mine, spotted with a male date, the same guy I saw him with at Flow. Ohhhh so I ignored him so not to ruin their discreet cover up. Shit! Eventhough they are craving for my sweet hello. Double shit!

So we went to McDonald’s E. Lopez for a Hot Choco Fudge! My fave! McDo ice cream rocks better than Jollibee, but when it comes to chicken, Jollibee wins ten folds! Then the troupe went to the fishing port! First, I handed cash to my brother for his nightlife, then went to check Michael, and yahoo! We even went away with 2 plastic bags of fat bangus!

End of night.

Starring: Jean Walter, Abigail Ray, Roland Bryan, Ma. Corazon, Michelle, John Reysild, John Ian Von, and the extras.

Britney mania!

I was inspired to write an entry here all about the legendary Britney Spears!

My history with her was sweet and love at first sight and sound overload to a teener I was then. I was in a state of shock when the Spice Girls broke up when I was in high school, my pop and all pop era was going down I thought, then luckily a blonde, teen bombshell broke out with a surprise hit "Baby...Hit Me One More Time" I personally was struggling with my heart bobos that time and her single "From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart" made me weep, so I salute her for striking a chord in that personal bobos moment in my teenage life, "Sometimes" made me smile and the sunsets worthwhile, and the runaway fave of mine in her first album, "Still Love You" I remember boy bands was slowly dwindling around those time, Britney even led N'Sync to MTV VMA's and her routine there was a fave cheerdance number at school. 

Okay it was more of a sentimental attachment I had with her, and her next album, was bigger and I remember when "Oops...I Did It Again" premiered at MTV, I can get over myself, especially the corny Titanic inspired dialogue was even fun, though campy but really I was cheesy that time and it work big time! "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" saved the album for me, this particular song is my tribute to my pop ga-ga days...She is the queen of MTV VMA's as far as I was concerned, her very sexy and now classic number of "Satisfaction/Oops...I Did It Again" cemented her superstardom and my dream to pursue popstar career!

Her third "Britney!" which is her album that Justin Timberlake her boyfriend was in, never failed and TRL stints, I was glued to MTV 24/7 thanks to her! It was before pop's power couple, too hard to handle, too hot! "Slave 4 U" went away and catapulted her to a sex-kitten! Imagine performing at the VMA with an unreleased single yet she gave a fabulous number! "Overprotected" was of course her shout out that she's indeed a certified A-list celebrity with all the Pepsi endorsement and attention she has worldwide...Christina Aguilera was way behind her, she has all the Grammy's yet none of the showmanship and spectacularity of Britney, her attitude was genuine unlike Xtina who as you would describe her then, down right dirrty! Xtina showed more skin, but Britney get away with pop princess title and the heir to Madonna's throne!

Her sexual album to date, "In The Zone" which she collaborated a single with Madonna, "Me Against The Music" and her runaway hits like "Toxic" and other sexy single which I enjoyed. To all the DVD Concert, I enjoyed the most "Live in Las Vegas" and "The Onyx Hotel" was hot, hot hot! She's a terrific dancer, and yeah sometimes you know the lipsynching she does, but totally forgivable, her signature voice and her signature style of singing and ad libs..."hah hah hah...and yeah yeah yeah" sexy and sometimes now I'm older its kinda sound geeky but again the genuis behind those ad libs! Love her to bits!

Now, the controversial opening number of Madonna, Britney, Xtina and Missy, which of course after the "Like A Virgin" duet and "Hollywood" the kissing, and her tour kicking off, it was all surreal and very marketable! 

Then K Fed came into the picture, my idol fell in love, blindly in love, fallen into a mediocre back up dancer, with a lovechild from an aspiring actress, well are Britney really was in love, and didn't mind it at all! Remember her Las Vegas very short marriage with her childhood sweetheart, she was itching to get hitched already, after all she is just a Southern native which the girl her age are engage or has a family already on their own. Then all the dramas, tabloid, cancelled tours, then all the shocking and classic breakdowns followed.

Furthermore, her divorce which led to the court battle for her children's custody, etc etc. Naked friendship with Paris Hilton, etc etc. It was too tiring but I was sympathetic towards her, I thought after she shaved her head, that was it she is gone. But as the world was giving her chance, her manager that stuck with her didn't let go, her family behind her, her children with her, everything fall into place, with a testy turn at rehabilation, she came back with a very commercially and critically acclaimed album, "Blackout" my fave album of hers to date! But her opening number at the VMA's last year "Gimme More" she looks very pretty shoulder up, she's brave even with flabs, and totally for me it didn't suck but it was not as par as her performances at the VMA's so she dwindle their big time. "Piece of Me" which was hit across the Atlantic and the Pacific which loves the single, mentioning, "the Philippines" there I thought It was such magic, like B is reaching out to me. "Break The Ice" is such a fab single, and makes me groove and all that Britney-choreography in me poured!

And finally now, she was given a standing ovation, winning 3 awards at at 25th Anniversary of the MTV Video Music Awards, Best Female Video, Best Pop Video and Video of the Year! My girl is back! Still looking fierce! Still a million richer! Still in demand! Still important! With a new album coming out this year, who knows this girl will invade our household but with pure professionality and good personality to boot! Britney is next to Madonna for me! My generation's pop idol! She even is part of Madonna's Sticky and Sweet tour! I hope this divorcee, pop diva would go up and up and up. Love u B! You're part of my adolescent hood, I can't deny you of the special place in my ipod, idioms and idiosyncrasies. Mwah!

You dedicated your awards to your amazing fans, this is my thank you back to the amazing you.

 

My Super Week (reinvented)

This is a replica, I tried to picture what I wrote that disappeared yesterday.

Hello Hampton Babies! Season 2 Episode 1 of Gossip Girl rocks and ended with fireworks! Bravo! I love it!

It’s a Friday, I woke up in someone else’s bed, naked only in my undies, disoriented of why I’m here and what happened last night…Then slowly it began to recur in my sober head…I was drunk last night, out of frustration, fatigue and stressful coessential manifestations I have no control of within the last 48 hours.

WNU vs. xoxo KC

Finally, I have passed my scrub papers at the Dean’s office after 5 months of cruel and unthinkable circumstances I lived by processing it. The bulk of my frustrations concentrate from my unimaginable conditions I suffered under the WNU redtape. I’m tired discussing this. (Sorry…maybe that’s why it disappeared because I might be sued with what I wrote about this yesterday) “Eto na lng, gurl…ano pa da paliwat-liwat nyo sang papeles pagwapa man lng na sa PRC, importante pa ang new logo kesa sa deadline haw? Dapat kamo na gani ya maubra, at ipa concentrate nyo estudyante nyo sa review para makapasar man, ano pa na pagwapa sang papeles kung di man lng makapasar! Mangaranun gd man tuod ang skulahan pero kulilot man sa national standing. Imagine wala ko ya naka focus sa review tungod sa mga papeles na ini. Paliwat liwat, te print naman, pa pirma naman, budlay pa bi mag hagilap sang mga clinical instructors and head nurses namon!”  All I can do now is to sit, pray, and cry until our papers our forwarded to the Registrar’s office and hope it will be included to the batch that will be given by the CHED’s go signal! It’s just easy for them to say, “There’s always the June exam!” They even demanded a justification letter explaining why we pass late already? Are they kidding me? When they know it’s not the students fault! They think they are always right, that they are just doing their job, are they blind don’t they see the students are harassed already! All they do need to do are to received, stamped and sign the papers gad-damn-mit! Pathetic…My ride home was not easy, I’m late again thank goodness I caught the Oceanjet I thanked God they waited for me. Its embarrassing already always to be the last one to enter the ship, the pier people know me already as the last one. I went to the CR immediately, took off my shirt, freshen up, and stayed there for a time, I was anticipating for peace.  I hope it’s my last trip to Bacolod, but not, I have to go back again and again…”kuliton!” just so I can have my Special Order. I don’t want to do anything with my school after this. A little spec of frustration involves the whole unit of this university. If I was harsh with my review to KC, I’m murderous towards WNU. I may be good at cutting lines, entering restricted offices but their egos are too much than mine. I don’t want to be unfair to other students just because I have a trip to catch, but yeah I need to be catered first, I pay more. But the service sucks, like paying a million receiving a cent that how it is there. I don’t want to put any exact details, I don’t want to drag people who are in greener pastures now, all I can say is, “spotted!”

Me vs. Suicide Scare Fan

It’s an anomaly!

I was sleeping already then suddenly I was disturbed by a call from my supposed straight friend, R around 1 in the morning! He said he’s worried and wanted me to check on C, he suspect he might OD! Alarmed, I contacted D, the legal wife of C, who was at Roxas on duty at that time. He said C is ok, they are texting. I asked if he is sure, because R called, well C said they were texting earlier but not now at this hour anymore. R said C drank 2 pills of Rivotril mixed with alcohol. C is not answering his phone calls already.  C gave a suicide threat text to R as R can’t check personally C if he’s alright or not as he was at Manila that time. Now as their common friend, victimized I have no choice but to get up, drive and trespass at the apartment compound. I creatively opened the gate, and expertly tried opening the door but mysteriously it’s locked inside. But if C is inside, the a/c should have definitely turned on but it’s not, I can’t hear his ringtone when I gave him a call. Odd! I already made a commotion, scared he might have indeed committed suicide. Banged the door and walls, shout out his name but to no avail. I looked for Apa the son/caretaker of the apartment, but he’s nowhere, I inquired the kanto boys if they know his whereabouts and if they have seen C came in earlier. But they are not sure. I was in the verge of calling the police! Contacted Ch, D, and R again updating them, D wants me to go home already and rest. I began to rationalize, I don’t think C would commit suicide just because D was mad at him, or R is leaving him. Duh! He’s older and more experienced, and the said meds was given to him by sister for his maintenance, anti-depressant drugs. I’m fed up, if he wants to kill himself fine! That’s his choice! I’m not the cause anyway and he disturbed me from my slumber, I’m so fatigue and now additional stress! I should be up early for my Bacolod trip. Ch called C answered her call. C said he’s okay, drunk and low-batt, duh! I was Punk’d big time. Oh Asthon you totally got me! Where’s the camera? I got mad at R, he was panicking, guilty, etc. I went home, scandalized, harassed, and thinking twice if everything was worth it. Not!

Flashback:  At the start of the week, the Pink Mafia had a reunion, I was back from my Manila sojourn, D went home from Roxas, and so we had dinner and celebrated at Club 21. Then I encouraged K to spill the beans already to D about what he knows about C and R. C felt vindicated, what he had been suspecting for a month was brutally true. I already knew about this since K asked my opinion when I was not around in Iloilo, though I want him to tell D already about it from the start, he was reluctant. Scared in ruining the union so, when the time came D and I met, I can’t help myself and pushed K to spill.

R though I knew him the longest, I was more protective, I know he’s in the closet. I was even his first. But kudos to C, he invaded the heart of R, I was contented only with the friendship since we were young. R was stupid and an idiot anyway. But his vulnerability and distrust with the same sex relationship pushed him back to be contented being in the closet. He can’t believe C would deceive him. He didn’t know C is taken already. I felt betrayed too, for always invisible to him and not asking for my expertise I could have forwarned him! When I know about them from K, I was alarmed D is my bestfriend and R, so fuck up!

When I was back from Bacolod, I checked on C if he’s ok, he replied yes. But he’s avoiding the issue, he won’t tell me where he was at around 1-2 AM. Fine, I’ll slap him twice. Pathetic suicide happy man! He didn’t know his little trick would blow up into proportions he didn’t foresee. Moron! He knew R is my friend, and I am only his link to him. And before he pursued courting the gullible R, he should have think twice cause his boyfriend D is my bestfriend, he didn’t think of the position, of the role I’ll play, so karma!  If D would leave him, he’s a goner. R won’t see him anymore. Moral lesson: No two timing especially among circle of your friends.

Goyo the Lover

After the backstabbing, backslamming Wednesday and Thursday I had. I even went to New Lucena to get my papers, but shit the HN was at the city. So I have to drive back, grrr the gas!

The bullshitness of it all was overwhelming,  the past 48 hours was aching. I have to go to Goyo.

Sweaty, tired but smiling that how Goyo met me, an honest place where you can be honest offering my comfort food, cancerous pork BBQ, grilled pork liempo, talaba and chippy, where Red Horse is a friend again. Goyo doesn’t disappoint, a lover, our lover, I discovered him after the heartaches, desperation, and for the past few weeks he’s the one that comforted me. I was like looking for the peace I found at Manila actually at Vista Verde. Goyo gave that. K already has a history with this place, scandalized by the police and media here. He’s a walking scandal until now, love him to bits. N poured out her emotions here, declaring she missed her great love that is back in town, yet no attention given! Problem solving, therapy session, and crisis management were done here. Goyo is funny too. He made us laugh, the laughter I never had for the past months, the cheerfulness and carefree aura I myself missed in me. Goyo, can be naughty too, we left the place dignifiedly tipsy but would vandalized the Jollibee across the street with our antics and cam-whoring. But above all, Goyo provides peace, the smoke, the night sky, the passer bys, but believe me its quiet there. The peace, the precious peace I crave is provided. I hope the peace, which lead me to this current state where I’m naked in somebody else’s house and will leave wearing someone else shirt would be there even until this weekend that would be priceless. I took a bath at someone else’ bathroom and it felt better back home. I felt innocently washed with the anger gone.

Till next time, I know you love me.

xoxo

B as in Blair-bratie, joke!

 

  

Aspirations

August 10, 2008 Sunday

1:50AM – I’m disturbed by a motorbike rider circling around the block and stopped in front of our house, I took a peek out of the window and saw a figure in black jacket and helmet, then gone. I turned on the light of the driveway and the side balcony. Our fences have no sharp edges and our gate can be opened.

August 9, 2008 Saturday

I had my share of commuting in the Metro. I dropped myself at Santolan LRT-2 Station and transferred train at Cubao, the MRT is a wreck, with long queue and it happened I lined at the “Exact Fare Only” I asked two gay teens in front of me if they have changed but they don’t have instead they save my line after I asked them how much the fare to Taft, I bought Mountain Dew so I’ll have changed of 14 bucks. I smoothly have my access card and the two gay twinks followed me, as if! Thanks for the magic of ipod I isolated myself with the noise and gyrating in the train. Then supposedly I’ll take a bus to Mall of Asia, but I chanced upon a jeepney, 8.50 bucks only.

Total transportation damage: 34.50 bucks

When I entered the mall, I immediately went to the restroom and relieved myself, check my image on the mirror and wipe myself with wet tissues. Fresh and invigorated I was lucky to spot my friends just near the restroom I went to. Arlene, her hubby Archie and her bestfriend Mac were waiting for me and I surprised them full front and made beso-beso and patawa immediately. I only had Sky Flakes and they are already finished with lunch its 3:30PM anyway…We went for dessert and refreshment, Tokyo Café’s crepes were delicious except the waffle is not soft, I had Peach Mango, yum and Red Tea. We talked or rather educated Mac about homosexuality and bisexuality and the current trend among gays in the society and the hypocrisy and discrimination within the circle. And the role of friends in general in a matter of coupling or dealing with couples. Then after it, the girls went for the loo and Archie and I were waiting for them in front of Hush Puppies when lo and behold Adam was just proximity near us, he was looking, I was staring, waiting, then he gave a surprise face with matching pointing gestures and that’s my cue to approach. Smiling or more of a smirk, I said my hi he said his piece of kamustahan, then to cut the story short, I said my piece as well and I casually just reminded him that he broke up with my friend Jordana and if that the “girl” he said yes and I asked him to introduce me, what’s he waiting for, no plan of introduction, so we went closer to the girl that’s waiting, she gave an oblivious look, I coyly answered I’m his friend from Iloilo then Adam nervously gave a laugh and said enjoy! The End. Report my delightful encounter with the damned ones to Jordana at Australia, she called immediately gave her the low down, but my girl is not satisfied she wants to know the details even I didn’t keenly researched. Then her span of networking prowess engaged immediately, I was preoccupied with them for a while, I gave my conclusion that it’s love and though the girl is not attractive but what can we do Adam fell for her and as a couple, typical coupling I may say when I saw them walking side by side. Then while walking at the boardwalk area, we took little pictures and more reminiscing of high school days with my friend Arlene and sharing our allegories with Archie and Mac. Then we opted to stay inside and waiting for John to arrived at the food court. We were admiring the N99i phone of Mac, only 7K, complete features with dual SIM! Good for Globe and Sun, they reminded me to get a Sun SIM. When John arrived we talked a little bit more then it reminded me to pay my Globe handyphone, luckily the centre was just on our way to the parking lot. Then I found out my address street is wrong instead of Augusta it was encoded August, stupid guy from Megamall branch! So I called 211 to correct it as meticulously I can be. Do remind me, my plan is until April 7, 2009 and I don’t wish to continue unless I’ll have a career per se. I stayed for dinner and down time at Arlene’s condo at Mandaluyong. Then I have a pabaon, a cake from Hizon. I rode a jeepney to Crossings, then made my way up to the Shaw MRT Station, then my way inside Farmers Plaza, which the Ricky Reyes parlor’s fountain leaking at the corridor, a guy behind made a splash, and yeah splashed some water on my jeans and back of my t-shirt. Then inside Gateway Mall to LRT 2 Station, I called my sister to pick me up I waited a little for her at the corner for private vehicles, even took a video of Marcos Hi-way. Life as a commuter, it’s expensive anyway if I’ll bring the Ford Lynx, I don’t have an income, if I’ll spare my money for gas alone, I don’t have enough money left for malling alone!

Then at home, my officemate Sheena texted that I’ll watched XXX at Channel 2, actually ABS is channel 8 in us. The probe tackles illegal recruiters and bogus hiring agencies at Cubao. It’s illegal to charged applicants with “processing fee” if the person is not yet hired! Gosh, the company I’m suspecting to be a scam is indeed scammish! Why charged us with 300 bucks for company ID and company kit? Sucks! Worst I avail of their products and BDO ATM for a total of 2,950 bucks! This week they should issue my ID, cards, ATM and official receipt or else they gonna taste my anguish! We made a plan to push through our earlier arrangement to go to ABS and watch Wowowee live! Gonna be a masa well duh I am part of the masses!

August 8, 2008 Friday

August 7, 2008 Thursday

We watched an Adam Sandler movie, “Don’t Mess With The Zohan” at Robinsons but ate first at KFC, I ordered there promotional item for a chance to win in a raffle, actually I didn’t know it. Then after that we went to Antipolo to Padi’s Point, relaxed and I had some beers and my sister had Shirley Temple. Then I was bitin, I was shouting my friends names in the car while we glide downhill back to the Metro. We went to Metrowalk at Ortigas for some more drinks, I ordered a bucket and sausage platter at Menu. I can’t believe I had 9 San Mig Light for a night! It supposed to be 10! I was tipsy, I have self control, at 23 its hardly to be drunk again.

August 6, 2008 Wednesday

August 5, 2008 Tuesday

August 4, 2008 Monday

I reported for work and was totally dismayed! Flyers galore! No way!

August 3, 2008 Sunday

August 2, 2008 Saturday

Orientation, the day I paid 300 pesos and 2,750 for the Hospital Cash Assist plus 200 for the BDO ATM. Then had lunch, kare-kare, Pizza Hut, wines and Generoso! I cancelled my pasta date with Arlene, shame.

August 1, 2008 Friday

I went to Cubao looked for this anonymous company, imagine they refuse to tell their company name! Then I was even assisted out of the building! Spent my days touring the Araneta Center…I should have been challenging myself, not shaming myself for a challenge!

August 31, 2008 Thursday

August 30, 2008 Wednesday

August 29, 2008 Tuesday

August 28, 2008 Monday

2:17 AM- For 2 weeks and a half at the Metro…what did I learn? Nursing not a drop…Scam, opportunist, was I that desperate for work? Was I that stupid to let myself be drowned with hiya I should have said no and I should have not let myself undergo, again charge it to experience.

I’m not in Manila. I’m in Rizal! We have a car but we really can’t afford the gas! I would just pity the car.

My plans: Advised mother not to push through with the reselling of this Vista Verde house, the duplex has lots of potential! Beside we need a house here in Manila.

Then about the Bellagio condo, I would secretly buy it, then returned the money my parents invested and not burden Mom with its monthly mortgage anymore. She would just think an anonymous buyer bought it, and I will middlename for contract signing. I would transfer the title to my name. Then my address would be the Fort, Taguig. (Again I need a career to back this with…surprise)

Then my landmark as a Model, Actor,Writer, Singer, and Total Performer for Superstardom.

I’ll have an Immigrant US Visa…well be situated at California and New York.

I’ll have multiply entry special Visas for UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, France, Italy, Spain and the rest of the European Union

I’ll have tourist access and working permits to Southeast Asia, China, Japan, South Korea, India, the Middle East, Israel, important key countries in Africa and Latin America.

I’ll have a best blog site at whatever sites I have current membership with. Multiply, Facebook, Myspace, Friendster, Blogspot, Yahoo, Hi5, Downelink, etc.

Religion

Religion

I was born into Catholic parents in a predominantly Catholic country in all Asia, the Philippines then I was baptized months after at home under the St. John of Sahagun Parish at Tigbauan, Iloilo. Years later I took my first communion at Our Lady of Monserrat Parish at Gran Plains Subdivision and then finally received the Holy Sacrament of Confirmation at the Parish of Our Lady of Candles Jaro Metropolitan Cathedral. Educated at a private school owned by the Dominican Order, the Angelicum School of Iloilo, I was more or less raised and happily surrounded by a Catholic community.

Then when it comes to my college education, I was enrolled at Central Philippine University, a Baptist institution, finished a Commerce degree then continued a Nursing degree at its sister school at Bacolod, West Negros University. In college, I was made to be aware of Protestantism, meaning not under the Vatican supremacy, I felt Jesus more intimately during the Christ Emphasis Week every semester at this university, with praises of songs made our mandatory program at Rose Memorial Auditorium more bearable, complete with testimonies and encouraging speakers from their network.

I am not really a regular Sunday mass goer, religious I’m not, believer yes. During high school, I enjoyed the Marian week, singing Latin praises for the Virgin Mary and participating at the candle-lit procession at the end of the week. But my own personal experience with God perhaps determined me to be satisfied being Catholic. Joining a Christian sect is quite expensive and formal anyway, “daming bawal” literally practicing what preach in the Old Testament, some focusing on the New Testament of the Bible. But even in Roman Catholicism, one topic until now perceived as wrong, even “evil” is homosexuality. But because the society here are more tolerable towards homosexuals, we enjoyed not being “thrown by stones” but of course still being discriminated, with the more numbers of homosexuals in a corner of every corner here on Earth, we kind of feel safe as homosexuals, luckily have homes that love them to seek refuge upon, most don’t have but blessed with people they call friends and eventually their circle they will consider family.

In masses, though I would not miss yawning, even though I had enough sleep beforehand, when the celebrator has that capacity to engage his audience, I’ll be hook with the sermon, or when he preaches something that’s interesting for me personally. After all, it’s like selling, the better you “market” the topic the longer the attention span of the attendees, or else they would just wait for the cue of “all rise!” after the sermon. In during offertory or collection, a “piso”, even loose change of centavos would be okay, nothing at all would just be fine even.

There are even personal alternative modern virtues Catholics now a day practiced, though I am not convinced if they truly believe it. It’s okay to miss masses, as long as you pray. It’s okay to receive communion even you haven’t confess your sins, before I thought if you had a candy, you can’t eat the “ochas”. Now, I beg to disagree, it’s better to attend a mass, even just once a week, preferably a Sunday though believed to be important among all days. You’ll never know what lessons you’ll learn, like me I learned about “Theophany” or the many manifestation of God, the priest cited three, writing this I remember, we remember God if we experience a storm. I on the other hand, when my father died, he even became like a saint, praying for him to send my messages to God. I always asked for forgiveness and then give my selfish personal intentions, like passing the board exam, waiting for a miracle. Being someone famous, without actually working on it, my vanities trapped me into an insecure, forlorn human being. But he mentioned, the institutionalized God is true, the church is here because it is between the first and second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. The human form God, now he is the Holy Spirit, someday he’ll arrive just like the prophecy in the Bible. Maybe he had come already, we didn’t just know, because even the Vatican most probably would find it difficult if finally Christ has arrived. Joining masses after all keep me there because of the songs and singing, I like the chorus, even dream that someday I’ll join the choir, my fantasy to sing this Latin song I like so much during the Marian festival, “Dulce prenda dorada..”

Before I was fascinated with religious iconology, symbols and other supreme-being ideology through signs, maybe medieval, they are beautiful artifacts. Then with the popularity of Dan Brown’s conspiracy the Da Vinci Code book was astonishing the symbolism grew more enchanting and I on the other hand was interested in our pagan beliefs with Bathala and encantadas, now even depicted at a TV fantaserye “Dyosa” but this is not about my topic.

My last confession was during my first communion, that’s it. I think it would take to really gather enough strength to go through with inconveniences of the crowded church, checking for the schedule and then waiting for your time in the confessional. I haven’t been to a church that making a confession would just be a breeze. It’s not that organized after all. It’s like I’m waiting for it to be automated like our voting system. Luckily our voting system started automated, for a third world country to modernized their voting process at the year of 2008 not bad, even started at the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao, not bad at all with many Muslim Filipino brothers satisfied. But I’m not saying “automatic” like no priest in a confessional, I meant the system to be convenient for a person to just go to church and confess! I even tried lighting two candles a Blue and Pink at Jaro Cathedral for blessing and guidance. Now when I look at it, it’s more of a “Bahala ka na” attitude, all putting the burden to the Lord.

I would like to attend mass regularly now, hoping every preaching bite! Then finally confess, though I don’t know anymore the process, for sure I’ll start with, “Father I have sinned.”

1st day of March

March 1, 2008

Its a Saturday, I woke up 8:30am, i have no appetite for breakfast, i feel bloated from last night gimmick, I had potato fries and Strong Ice beer at Bourbon St. and more Strong Ice at M02, together with my "cousin" Troophs Gonzales-Generalao, and her colleagues at Westown Hotel, Maricel and Kris, we are familiar with each other because I go regularly to the hotel. I could give them credit from seducing a guy for me, Eric Lacuesta, he was tall, semi-kalbo, nice bod, ripping in his yellow polo shirt, too bad he was gone when I had the guts to be nasty with him in the dancefloor, I only kissed him on his left cheek. Maybe I hinted some predators in the club that this hottie was game, and when I went to the CR and back, he was gone, maybe was book right then and there by a more aggresive "sister". Anyway Kris commented, "daw hindi ka agi!" because I was very reluctant and passive to make the first move, they did all the talking and gyrating to make the guy bump his crotch on my behind, gees another missed opportunity, me and my silly thoughts of being wooed over first.

The Friday night was more packed with good-looking men, there were models from Manila and local doing the aftershow shindig there, when the Nono Palmos fashion show concluded. By the way, I seldom go ask my picture taken with a celebrity, I saw Kris Lawrence and Inday Garutay at Boarboun earlier that night who cares, I interacted with some PBB boys, Kian, Jason, and Niel Rapiz is a family friend, but who cares, last time, Piolo Pascual and Angel Locsin were just in front of us, but I didnt bother, but I like Angel, she's pretty in person unlike Shaina Magdayao. Anyway my point, I didnt hold back taking my pic with Mark Anthony Fernandez on that night hahaha, he was cute in person, gosh I was surprised he's in the CR, but badluck my celfone had dead batteries already, so I asked Pierre a fashion designer and a friend of a friend, I only know about him that night, anyway when I asked Mark for a pic, he said sure, so i gestured we go to the guy holding the digicam, I was so turned on when he said, "Siya pa puntahin mo dito!" Oh he was holding a cigarette he is about to light, bad boy image to me rocks! So you see my no attention to Piolo except for his abs, but when I summoned Pierre to come over, Niel called Mark towards him, he was going to introduce Troophs, Maricel and Kris, but I butted in I said, "Mark meet my friends..." I saw the pissed off look of Mark, was it because I was kinda drunk and way arrogant, anyway it was hot, I was asking for a punch maybe hahaha (totally kidding) Pierre took the pic, and Mark looks game in the pic, said my thank yous and I just realized how celebrity do their job or part of their job, even when they are tired, being with irratating people, but still smile and pretend to be nice.

Anyway before the photo-op incident...(I used to many anyways...) I was hanging out at the front bar I spotted Jor-el, Michael, and new faces to me, or shall I say because I'm an outsider, Pierre and Angel, I totally like angel when she said she's no hot for boy goodies...I like female homosexuals, especially those you least expect, I know plenty of those girls but yet still have no radar for lesbians, and she totally rocks, we hugged and kinda made the girl friends vibe instantly. I was flirting with Pierre cause I thought he was gay. He said he's not, but when I asked him if he is top or bottom, he said neither, that differentiates the straight and gay jargon for it. He said I'm in his friendsters already when I asked him to send the pic through there. Again I'm surprise, I'm bad with names, faces, or people who I havent met yet example my "friends" in friendster, I could never recognize them in public, there should be some formal introductions or moments were I could really digest his face and name to my brain...It happened so many times, me dancing with this fella and the next thing we crossed path I could never recognize him, like hello what do you expect, the circumstances of the situation we met the first time were I was tipsy, it was dark inside the club, I cant really hear you...diba? duh....gees I'm surprise I cant believe I'm also a "duh people".

I catched up with my friends Carlito Lerio, Doddie Fabros and Wendylmer Funa, they watched that fashion show, and insisted I go to, but I'm tired of the scene, I know they are just there to catch a glimpse of some male physique too bad there was none baring it. I remember the first bikini open I watched last year it was hilarious, I attended because one of the contestant, I had sleep with was asking for support...you could just not say no...I can say I'm good after all, I grab my friends to come with me and buy the tickets, of course bribing them with a dinner first and lending them my clothes. So going back to the "aquarium" I danced some local male models I like and dislike, of course I totally ignore those I dont like, you know who you are, not a chance pal. I should not hate him but his reputation overseed him.

Okay, I should not blog all about the Friday night, just the highlights, hmmm...me catching a classmate of mine, he's a medrep, his girlfriend is far away now, I always see him going out with different good looking male from time to time, but on that particular night, I can sense something's not right, the guy he's with was extra friendly with me...meaning he's with someone who's into boys as well...I don't care...Catched my cousin who is a partyphile Rona Roncesvalles-Valdes...of course we shared notes on who were looking great that night, oh the jocks Troophs introduced me with at Bourbon when we were about to leave, 2 varsity guys stand up, when my cousin asked who wants to know me better, that was flattering. (Now I realized, this blog thingy is just here to feed my ego).

Saturday it is. Just drank a hot cup of Nestle cocoa for breakfast and lazily took my time in bathing and preparing to go to school. I'm enrolled in this non-medical professionals program in nursing, a satellite setting, and mostly our classes are held on weekends, because most enrolled here are working from Mondays to Fridays. It was about nursing research, it was boring. Then we had lunch at Uncle Tom's, our teacher ordered tenderloin steak and Pepsi Maxx, while I just contented myself with Doubles, a two big servings of chicken thigh, rice and coleslaw, I was wondering how inconsiderate of that woman to order a very delicious food and knowing we will pay for it. Actually, the subject we enrolled now, we already have grades for it last school year ago and now we just have to pay her 750 per hour for 14 hours eventhough she will be just conducting a class for less than a day. Its not about the price we paid, but her business savviness or is she just a victim of the program's system. (I'm posting this its because I'm dreadful that I have still lots of scrubs to do and I have to file a letter of undertaking just to go up the stage for graduation on the 28th of March. The school should provide better affiliation arrangement with the institutions they are affiliated with so in turn we are accomodated properly and will cater the following requirments accordingly and in schedule. We are paying rediculous amount of sum of fees for nothing in return). The nerve.

After class, I drive her to the pier for her return trip to the city of smiles. I went home, and entertained a texter whom I've been exchanging text with while in class, I met him in guys4men, and again he revealed he knew me from the start, I was clueless, maybe my face is not hard to forget, he desrcibe how he met me, it was in a club, the "aquarium" at M02, I was dancing naughtily with two guys, in short it was a threesome in the dancefloor, I asked when he saw me, heard me, what did he think of me, he replied I look fun to be with, his good friend was my classmate in elementary, I said how come you didnt made your move, you had the bigger chance because I was talking to my former classmate that night, he confides he's shy...me, I'm never shy, if not in the mood, I just dont participate. Hehehe. So he changed his sched instead that we "eyeball" around 8pm, we have to moved it at 6pm because he has a party to attend to after. So, out of curiousity, I let him in my room, I have to make him walk at a short cut so not to expose my identity...I still prefer the anonymosity of it all, after all it was his sugestions, giving me false names from the start, I on the other hand gave my sort of popular nickname, to my surprise the house is crowded, I didnt notice we have visitors, when he rang the door bell, our boy opened it and my grandmother was doing her gardening, and the visitors where sitting in the garden waitinf gor my mom, of course I have to pass him as a friend, anyway he is not the first to come over. Then we went to the room, well as usual I think I blog familiar things like this before, the difference, hmm I am not new to him, again ignorance can really humble you, it was his conquest to really come up to me and present himself, he took advantage of the anonymous sex crap so he can be in my bed...well it works, he said we used to be textmates before, he used a different number with me now, then again about being a friend of my former classmate, saw me already in public, or shall I say party places where you can see me at my element, the slutty side of myself, not to the point of being a whore okay...I'm average when it comes to the scene really. (Fine you can say I'm a partyphile, but a responsible one, conservative sort of).

So we just had to do it, time is running out, I got the lube he has the rubber, he kissed me, oh my this is not going to be a one time thing for him...I dont want to go on that situation anymore, dont want pressures, I'm enjoying my singlehood now a days, I dont go out and long for a boyfriend anymore, well not now, I learned I'm not ready for it, I'm still have to do more groundwork to be able fully equip for another relationship...Cause lately I engaged myself with user friendly blokes which I thought I could control...but I failed, and its sad there is no love between us, just the verbal I love yous, and the one-sidedness of it all, tiring, I promised myself not to enter a relationship where I have to provide for everything, and maybe that's the case of those overtly discreet guys I date, they tend to treat you as this stereotypical gay guy where you have to pay for everything. Well thats not me...Or should I say I dont want to be that kind of gay guy.

But Miko aka Leo delivered what he texted or marketed earlier through text with me, I havent had sex since the Carlo Miguel saga aka Miko. The different thing bout the sex, well you know sex is all the same, except when you notice the individuality of it, i mean your partner. He looks sadistic, almost demonic facial expressions, he is smaller than me but gosh I feel he is going to eat me. If sex with the devil was like that, I will do it again without second thought. My friend Cora, knocked on my door, of course I was surprise to see her, we are neighbors, of course she texted first but I was not paying attention to my phone. She recognized Leo they used to be classmates at college, great so he really passed as a friend to my family now. She was there because she wants to borrow my BP ap and stethoscope. She is a clinical instructor but she doesnt have her own. She even complained that i offered my cheap stet instead of my imported ones, so fine i lend her the Prestige. My brother walked in, and more chattery in the room, I'm impressed with Leo on how he deal with the suddenness and spontaineity of everything. So know he has the real idea about me. He was glued with the good factors. Didn't you know I'm such a boyfriend, long term relationship material kinda guy...see how delusional I can be. Hehehe

So I excused myself at home that me and Leo, actually I introduced him Miko first to my mother's friend and to my mom. I dont know Cora didn't notice. That he and I are going to SM City to catch up with Kim and Doddie and some of our friends...It was almost time for his party, but I can see he has no interest anymore to the party he is suppose to go to, or maybe that was just his excuse to catch me earlier than planned. He lives at Leganes so thats another factor, gosh I'm jaded, I dont trust anymore after all those, nevermind. We went to the mall, I was not in the mood to go there really, but Doddie was there together with Jojo, Ara and this Levi guy. So I introduced him to all, he's quite impressed with my friends, actually I'm assuming how can I tell if his impressed when he didnt say it. I could just use the backspace to delete it, but I'm lazy to.

I should finish this entry now, I can feel the call for sleep.

After the mall, I drove Doddie home to his parents at Bakhaw, he live with his boyfriend Carlito at their apartment at Arguelles St. Then I think its time to say goodbye to Leo, I accidentaly revealed to much about me on that short time. I actually did good, not showing him I'm open for relationship, but not exactly closing the doors for him. I really want him to be a friend, his nice, and he said he wants to fuck me more, and why not. My fuck buddies are too cozy with me already, not asking for sex but hang out sessions, like barkada, he could replace them. Now, dont get the wrong idea. Fuckbuddies move on, they tend not to fuck anymore, they tend to share notes and ask for notes. (This is not about the gay lingo "nota" for penis okay) Metaphorically translates to talking and talking. So I dropped Leo off at Jaro plaza so he can easily catch a jeepney ride home.

I went online after, I wanted to watched DVD but my DVD player is in my brother's room. I wanted to watch the new DVDs I bought, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, StarDust, No Reservations and Sydney White. It made my Sunday very fine dont worry eventhough I have errands to to. Anyway, when I went online, Oh I forgot to mention, I was online when Leo came, my chatmate insist that he should see me getting fucked on cam. He's a hottie from Pampanga. I'll just be tempted, and I havent had sex on cam yet. Anyway without choice as I have nothing left to do, I entertained the suggestions of Doddie that I come by at their apartment to drink Red Horse. The Basiyo waterhole is just in their doorstep or shall I say part of the compound. But a guy I called "friend" wanted to see me once and for all, I met him at guys4men too. He said his going out to gimmick at Smallville, but I was tired, not in the mood to party beside I had a very full Friday night. So I invited Des Niel to join me and my friends at Basiyo to get drunk. Call time was 11pm, while I was wasting time, I uploaded my pics at Baguio last February at Friendster. Come 11pm I met him at Pronto, and off we went to the apartment, introduced him, Doddie was all smiles, he knew I had sex earlier, he cried while waiting for 11pm listening to "I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Bedingfield at YouTube. Anyway...the Basiyo run out of Red Horse, so we cant have our second round anymore, the Korean regulars washed the supply out. So we have to move to Andok's for our second serving of Red Horse, we cant settle for a San Mig Light after that you know. I dont pay attention to my "date" anymore, I really did treat him like a friend, but of course my friends would not buy it. I was very playful with our conversations, again I let another sweet stranger in my life. But the party was ended shortly after a quarrel between the lovers were too much to bare to be witnessed. I said its time to go home. But ofcourse, Wendylmer, the cousin of Doddie, is going to M02, he asked I gave him a ride going there, and Doddie doesnt want to come home yet, more arguments between him and his partner Carlito, trust me it saddens me when I see my friends fight, so we went to Smallville, Niel doesnt want to be dropped there, wants to go with me...like hello...do I really asked to be taken care of, i'm totally very much in control of the situation. We dropped Wendyl, then we went to La Paz Plaza for an automated water refill station at 1am. Because Carlito and Doddie need their water supply. Eventhough they are fighting, they still work hand in hand with each other. I explained to Niel, that its normal for couple who lived together for a long time to argue, have fights, not physical okay, never, but Carl and Doddie in the early part of their relationship had a fistfight in a taxi going home after an argument. I had to pee. Doddie gestured the corner he had peed, it was a garage, and under the AC of a room I think. I pity the house without a proper wall. So we dropped them off, then Des Niel, made clear his real "wants" for tonight. He said he doesnt anticipate for "things" to happen between us tonight, earlier he was nervous to meet me, he was nervous being with me, but after the outwardly friendly reception he received from me and my friends, the laid back atmosphere, who wouldnt be brave enough to make their "wants" come across when the circumstances sounds inviting, the friendly me, knowing I'm single, he said I'm cute, I was really looking forward to the word sexy coming from his mouth. Hehe

Then, the rest is history...to compare, I'm impress with Des Niel, Leo is really more to the friendship side, he's a nurse just like most of my friends, and he knows some of my friends already. Des Niel pays his own bills, unlike Leo, I can tell he doesnt have enough when we were at the mall, I offer him something to eat or drink but he refuse, I can sense the pride in him, In my jaded way, I can sense he wants not be just "friends" but more than that so he doesnt want me to pay up. Sweet, but really I dont mind. So I didnt settle for a drink, eventhough I wanted to drink something, eventhough I'm not really thirsty. What else, cock size, performance, Leo is pure top, Des Niel is versa, the sex that had really unleash my wild side was the latter, it was crazy...wooh, they are both have athletic body, Niel is taller than me, to the judge the rimming, okay I gave they both did great, Niel had the advantage of spending more time with me in bed, so I dont wanna be bias, he even slept for an hour with me, and another round at dawn before going home.

Now Sunday, the second day, I reflected what happened on the 1st day of the month. I didnt touched my celfone, didnt reply to there text messages. Except for my marketing professor Arvin De Leon, asking how I am, and saying he's a good boy, cause I teased him maybe he has lots of sex at Cebu when he forwarded a naughty quote bout sex, he replied he just go the Fitness First gym regularly a compliment from the international company he's working at the moment, so I shoot back, his gymbod should be put into good use...

Anyway...after the DVD marathon, I went to reply to there messages, both miss me, Des Niel said if only i'm his boyfriend, Leo understand if i'm not really much of a texter. When I went to the bathroom, It got me thinking, courting really doesnt exist anymore, the last guy that courted me was Cirilo, and I didnt even said yes to him. Courting is already in the texting, if I dont text back these guys will just conclude I'm not into them and move on. Why wait for someone, I should make my move too, I did, and I always do, bt turns out to be from disappointments to disappointments...If a "perfect" guy like Eric Lacuesta was the guy whom I had time with just like what these two guys had with me, its a no brainer, that if Eric Lacuesta would reply and react like this towards me, I would definetely have skipped my movie marathon and go to his side in a jiffy. But that didnt happen, my superficial self didnt prevail, in fact it never existed and most of all I would happen to be struck by a line Claire Dane's delivered at Stardust, "what does she do in return to show her love?" Yes...what did I do to show my love...I could give an excuse I let them in, but yes its not only that, if I have to be hurt once again, if I have to dream and believe once again...sure but not at this moment, I'm too "experienced" to know either of them are the one for me. She said, "If I could just give my heart to you, I wouldn't ask something in return, no gifts, goods or gesture of intimacy, just your heart in return in place with mine to give" I'll double check it didnt sound right. Hahahaha