1st day of March

March 1, 2008

Its a Saturday, I woke up 8:30am, i have no appetite for breakfast, i feel bloated from last night gimmick, I had potato fries and Strong Ice beer at Bourbon St. and more Strong Ice at M02, together with my "cousin" Troophs Gonzales-Generalao, and her colleagues at Westown Hotel, Maricel and Kris, we are familiar with each other because I go regularly to the hotel. I could give them credit from seducing a guy for me, Eric Lacuesta, he was tall, semi-kalbo, nice bod, ripping in his yellow polo shirt, too bad he was gone when I had the guts to be nasty with him in the dancefloor, I only kissed him on his left cheek. Maybe I hinted some predators in the club that this hottie was game, and when I went to the CR and back, he was gone, maybe was book right then and there by a more aggresive "sister". Anyway Kris commented, "daw hindi ka agi!" because I was very reluctant and passive to make the first move, they did all the talking and gyrating to make the guy bump his crotch on my behind, gees another missed opportunity, me and my silly thoughts of being wooed over first.

The Friday night was more packed with good-looking men, there were models from Manila and local doing the aftershow shindig there, when the Nono Palmos fashion show concluded. By the way, I seldom go ask my picture taken with a celebrity, I saw Kris Lawrence and Inday Garutay at Boarboun earlier that night who cares, I interacted with some PBB boys, Kian, Jason, and Niel Rapiz is a family friend, but who cares, last time, Piolo Pascual and Angel Locsin were just in front of us, but I didnt bother, but I like Angel, she's pretty in person unlike Shaina Magdayao. Anyway my point, I didnt hold back taking my pic with Mark Anthony Fernandez on that night hahaha, he was cute in person, gosh I was surprised he's in the CR, but badluck my celfone had dead batteries already, so I asked Pierre a fashion designer and a friend of a friend, I only know about him that night, anyway when I asked Mark for a pic, he said sure, so i gestured we go to the guy holding the digicam, I was so turned on when he said, "Siya pa puntahin mo dito!" Oh he was holding a cigarette he is about to light, bad boy image to me rocks! So you see my no attention to Piolo except for his abs, but when I summoned Pierre to come over, Niel called Mark towards him, he was going to introduce Troophs, Maricel and Kris, but I butted in I said, "Mark meet my friends..." I saw the pissed off look of Mark, was it because I was kinda drunk and way arrogant, anyway it was hot, I was asking for a punch maybe hahaha (totally kidding) Pierre took the pic, and Mark looks game in the pic, said my thank yous and I just realized how celebrity do their job or part of their job, even when they are tired, being with irratating people, but still smile and pretend to be nice.

Anyway before the photo-op incident...(I used to many anyways...) I was hanging out at the front bar I spotted Jor-el, Michael, and new faces to me, or shall I say because I'm an outsider, Pierre and Angel, I totally like angel when she said she's no hot for boy goodies...I like female homosexuals, especially those you least expect, I know plenty of those girls but yet still have no radar for lesbians, and she totally rocks, we hugged and kinda made the girl friends vibe instantly. I was flirting with Pierre cause I thought he was gay. He said he's not, but when I asked him if he is top or bottom, he said neither, that differentiates the straight and gay jargon for it. He said I'm in his friendsters already when I asked him to send the pic through there. Again I'm surprise, I'm bad with names, faces, or people who I havent met yet example my "friends" in friendster, I could never recognize them in public, there should be some formal introductions or moments were I could really digest his face and name to my brain...It happened so many times, me dancing with this fella and the next thing we crossed path I could never recognize him, like hello what do you expect, the circumstances of the situation we met the first time were I was tipsy, it was dark inside the club, I cant really hear you...diba? duh....gees I'm surprise I cant believe I'm also a "duh people".

I catched up with my friends Carlito Lerio, Doddie Fabros and Wendylmer Funa, they watched that fashion show, and insisted I go to, but I'm tired of the scene, I know they are just there to catch a glimpse of some male physique too bad there was none baring it. I remember the first bikini open I watched last year it was hilarious, I attended because one of the contestant, I had sleep with was asking for support...you could just not say no...I can say I'm good after all, I grab my friends to come with me and buy the tickets, of course bribing them with a dinner first and lending them my clothes. So going back to the "aquarium" I danced some local male models I like and dislike, of course I totally ignore those I dont like, you know who you are, not a chance pal. I should not hate him but his reputation overseed him.

Okay, I should not blog all about the Friday night, just the highlights, hmmm...me catching a classmate of mine, he's a medrep, his girlfriend is far away now, I always see him going out with different good looking male from time to time, but on that particular night, I can sense something's not right, the guy he's with was extra friendly with me...meaning he's with someone who's into boys as well...I don't care...Catched my cousin who is a partyphile Rona Roncesvalles-Valdes...of course we shared notes on who were looking great that night, oh the jocks Troophs introduced me with at Bourbon when we were about to leave, 2 varsity guys stand up, when my cousin asked who wants to know me better, that was flattering. (Now I realized, this blog thingy is just here to feed my ego).

Saturday it is. Just drank a hot cup of Nestle cocoa for breakfast and lazily took my time in bathing and preparing to go to school. I'm enrolled in this non-medical professionals program in nursing, a satellite setting, and mostly our classes are held on weekends, because most enrolled here are working from Mondays to Fridays. It was about nursing research, it was boring. Then we had lunch at Uncle Tom's, our teacher ordered tenderloin steak and Pepsi Maxx, while I just contented myself with Doubles, a two big servings of chicken thigh, rice and coleslaw, I was wondering how inconsiderate of that woman to order a very delicious food and knowing we will pay for it. Actually, the subject we enrolled now, we already have grades for it last school year ago and now we just have to pay her 750 per hour for 14 hours eventhough she will be just conducting a class for less than a day. Its not about the price we paid, but her business savviness or is she just a victim of the program's system. (I'm posting this its because I'm dreadful that I have still lots of scrubs to do and I have to file a letter of undertaking just to go up the stage for graduation on the 28th of March. The school should provide better affiliation arrangement with the institutions they are affiliated with so in turn we are accomodated properly and will cater the following requirments accordingly and in schedule. We are paying rediculous amount of sum of fees for nothing in return). The nerve.

After class, I drive her to the pier for her return trip to the city of smiles. I went home, and entertained a texter whom I've been exchanging text with while in class, I met him in guys4men, and again he revealed he knew me from the start, I was clueless, maybe my face is not hard to forget, he desrcibe how he met me, it was in a club, the "aquarium" at M02, I was dancing naughtily with two guys, in short it was a threesome in the dancefloor, I asked when he saw me, heard me, what did he think of me, he replied I look fun to be with, his good friend was my classmate in elementary, I said how come you didnt made your move, you had the bigger chance because I was talking to my former classmate that night, he confides he's shy...me, I'm never shy, if not in the mood, I just dont participate. Hehehe. So he changed his sched instead that we "eyeball" around 8pm, we have to moved it at 6pm because he has a party to attend to after. So, out of curiousity, I let him in my room, I have to make him walk at a short cut so not to expose my identity...I still prefer the anonymosity of it all, after all it was his sugestions, giving me false names from the start, I on the other hand gave my sort of popular nickname, to my surprise the house is crowded, I didnt notice we have visitors, when he rang the door bell, our boy opened it and my grandmother was doing her gardening, and the visitors where sitting in the garden waitinf gor my mom, of course I have to pass him as a friend, anyway he is not the first to come over. Then we went to the room, well as usual I think I blog familiar things like this before, the difference, hmm I am not new to him, again ignorance can really humble you, it was his conquest to really come up to me and present himself, he took advantage of the anonymous sex crap so he can be in my bed...well it works, he said we used to be textmates before, he used a different number with me now, then again about being a friend of my former classmate, saw me already in public, or shall I say party places where you can see me at my element, the slutty side of myself, not to the point of being a whore okay...I'm average when it comes to the scene really. (Fine you can say I'm a partyphile, but a responsible one, conservative sort of).

So we just had to do it, time is running out, I got the lube he has the rubber, he kissed me, oh my this is not going to be a one time thing for him...I dont want to go on that situation anymore, dont want pressures, I'm enjoying my singlehood now a days, I dont go out and long for a boyfriend anymore, well not now, I learned I'm not ready for it, I'm still have to do more groundwork to be able fully equip for another relationship...Cause lately I engaged myself with user friendly blokes which I thought I could control...but I failed, and its sad there is no love between us, just the verbal I love yous, and the one-sidedness of it all, tiring, I promised myself not to enter a relationship where I have to provide for everything, and maybe that's the case of those overtly discreet guys I date, they tend to treat you as this stereotypical gay guy where you have to pay for everything. Well thats not me...Or should I say I dont want to be that kind of gay guy.

But Miko aka Leo delivered what he texted or marketed earlier through text with me, I havent had sex since the Carlo Miguel saga aka Miko. The different thing bout the sex, well you know sex is all the same, except when you notice the individuality of it, i mean your partner. He looks sadistic, almost demonic facial expressions, he is smaller than me but gosh I feel he is going to eat me. If sex with the devil was like that, I will do it again without second thought. My friend Cora, knocked on my door, of course I was surprise to see her, we are neighbors, of course she texted first but I was not paying attention to my phone. She recognized Leo they used to be classmates at college, great so he really passed as a friend to my family now. She was there because she wants to borrow my BP ap and stethoscope. She is a clinical instructor but she doesnt have her own. She even complained that i offered my cheap stet instead of my imported ones, so fine i lend her the Prestige. My brother walked in, and more chattery in the room, I'm impressed with Leo on how he deal with the suddenness and spontaineity of everything. So know he has the real idea about me. He was glued with the good factors. Didn't you know I'm such a boyfriend, long term relationship material kinda guy...see how delusional I can be. Hehehe

So I excused myself at home that me and Leo, actually I introduced him Miko first to my mother's friend and to my mom. I dont know Cora didn't notice. That he and I are going to SM City to catch up with Kim and Doddie and some of our friends...It was almost time for his party, but I can see he has no interest anymore to the party he is suppose to go to, or maybe that was just his excuse to catch me earlier than planned. He lives at Leganes so thats another factor, gosh I'm jaded, I dont trust anymore after all those, nevermind. We went to the mall, I was not in the mood to go there really, but Doddie was there together with Jojo, Ara and this Levi guy. So I introduced him to all, he's quite impressed with my friends, actually I'm assuming how can I tell if his impressed when he didnt say it. I could just use the backspace to delete it, but I'm lazy to.

I should finish this entry now, I can feel the call for sleep.

After the mall, I drove Doddie home to his parents at Bakhaw, he live with his boyfriend Carlito at their apartment at Arguelles St. Then I think its time to say goodbye to Leo, I accidentaly revealed to much about me on that short time. I actually did good, not showing him I'm open for relationship, but not exactly closing the doors for him. I really want him to be a friend, his nice, and he said he wants to fuck me more, and why not. My fuck buddies are too cozy with me already, not asking for sex but hang out sessions, like barkada, he could replace them. Now, dont get the wrong idea. Fuckbuddies move on, they tend not to fuck anymore, they tend to share notes and ask for notes. (This is not about the gay lingo "nota" for penis okay) Metaphorically translates to talking and talking. So I dropped Leo off at Jaro plaza so he can easily catch a jeepney ride home.

I went online after, I wanted to watched DVD but my DVD player is in my brother's room. I wanted to watch the new DVDs I bought, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, StarDust, No Reservations and Sydney White. It made my Sunday very fine dont worry eventhough I have errands to to. Anyway, when I went online, Oh I forgot to mention, I was online when Leo came, my chatmate insist that he should see me getting fucked on cam. He's a hottie from Pampanga. I'll just be tempted, and I havent had sex on cam yet. Anyway without choice as I have nothing left to do, I entertained the suggestions of Doddie that I come by at their apartment to drink Red Horse. The Basiyo waterhole is just in their doorstep or shall I say part of the compound. But a guy I called "friend" wanted to see me once and for all, I met him at guys4men too. He said his going out to gimmick at Smallville, but I was tired, not in the mood to party beside I had a very full Friday night. So I invited Des Niel to join me and my friends at Basiyo to get drunk. Call time was 11pm, while I was wasting time, I uploaded my pics at Baguio last February at Friendster. Come 11pm I met him at Pronto, and off we went to the apartment, introduced him, Doddie was all smiles, he knew I had sex earlier, he cried while waiting for 11pm listening to "I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Bedingfield at YouTube. Anyway...the Basiyo run out of Red Horse, so we cant have our second round anymore, the Korean regulars washed the supply out. So we have to move to Andok's for our second serving of Red Horse, we cant settle for a San Mig Light after that you know. I dont pay attention to my "date" anymore, I really did treat him like a friend, but of course my friends would not buy it. I was very playful with our conversations, again I let another sweet stranger in my life. But the party was ended shortly after a quarrel between the lovers were too much to bare to be witnessed. I said its time to go home. But ofcourse, Wendylmer, the cousin of Doddie, is going to M02, he asked I gave him a ride going there, and Doddie doesnt want to come home yet, more arguments between him and his partner Carlito, trust me it saddens me when I see my friends fight, so we went to Smallville, Niel doesnt want to be dropped there, wants to go with me...like hello...do I really asked to be taken care of, i'm totally very much in control of the situation. We dropped Wendyl, then we went to La Paz Plaza for an automated water refill station at 1am. Because Carlito and Doddie need their water supply. Eventhough they are fighting, they still work hand in hand with each other. I explained to Niel, that its normal for couple who lived together for a long time to argue, have fights, not physical okay, never, but Carl and Doddie in the early part of their relationship had a fistfight in a taxi going home after an argument. I had to pee. Doddie gestured the corner he had peed, it was a garage, and under the AC of a room I think. I pity the house without a proper wall. So we dropped them off, then Des Niel, made clear his real "wants" for tonight. He said he doesnt anticipate for "things" to happen between us tonight, earlier he was nervous to meet me, he was nervous being with me, but after the outwardly friendly reception he received from me and my friends, the laid back atmosphere, who wouldnt be brave enough to make their "wants" come across when the circumstances sounds inviting, the friendly me, knowing I'm single, he said I'm cute, I was really looking forward to the word sexy coming from his mouth. Hehe

Then, the rest is history...to compare, I'm impress with Des Niel, Leo is really more to the friendship side, he's a nurse just like most of my friends, and he knows some of my friends already. Des Niel pays his own bills, unlike Leo, I can tell he doesnt have enough when we were at the mall, I offer him something to eat or drink but he refuse, I can sense the pride in him, In my jaded way, I can sense he wants not be just "friends" but more than that so he doesnt want me to pay up. Sweet, but really I dont mind. So I didnt settle for a drink, eventhough I wanted to drink something, eventhough I'm not really thirsty. What else, cock size, performance, Leo is pure top, Des Niel is versa, the sex that had really unleash my wild side was the latter, it was crazy...wooh, they are both have athletic body, Niel is taller than me, to the judge the rimming, okay I gave they both did great, Niel had the advantage of spending more time with me in bed, so I dont wanna be bias, he even slept for an hour with me, and another round at dawn before going home.

Now Sunday, the second day, I reflected what happened on the 1st day of the month. I didnt touched my celfone, didnt reply to there text messages. Except for my marketing professor Arvin De Leon, asking how I am, and saying he's a good boy, cause I teased him maybe he has lots of sex at Cebu when he forwarded a naughty quote bout sex, he replied he just go the Fitness First gym regularly a compliment from the international company he's working at the moment, so I shoot back, his gymbod should be put into good use...

Anyway...after the DVD marathon, I went to reply to there messages, both miss me, Des Niel said if only i'm his boyfriend, Leo understand if i'm not really much of a texter. When I went to the bathroom, It got me thinking, courting really doesnt exist anymore, the last guy that courted me was Cirilo, and I didnt even said yes to him. Courting is already in the texting, if I dont text back these guys will just conclude I'm not into them and move on. Why wait for someone, I should make my move too, I did, and I always do, bt turns out to be from disappointments to disappointments...If a "perfect" guy like Eric Lacuesta was the guy whom I had time with just like what these two guys had with me, its a no brainer, that if Eric Lacuesta would reply and react like this towards me, I would definetely have skipped my movie marathon and go to his side in a jiffy. But that didnt happen, my superficial self didnt prevail, in fact it never existed and most of all I would happen to be struck by a line Claire Dane's delivered at Stardust, "what does she do in return to show her love?" Yes...what did I do to show my love...I could give an excuse I let them in, but yes its not only that, if I have to be hurt once again, if I have to dream and believe once again...sure but not at this moment, I'm too "experienced" to know either of them are the one for me. She said, "If I could just give my heart to you, I wouldn't ask something in return, no gifts, goods or gesture of intimacy, just your heart in return in place with mine to give" I'll double check it didnt sound right. Hahahaha